Friday, 7 January 2011

Why Do Women Like Crap Music?

Why do women like such crap music
What is it about Ronan Keating
Whose flirtation with talent is so painfully fleeting
And what about that Matt Cardell
Nice hat- but he cannot sing very well
And then there is the dashing captain james Blunt
Who everyone can see is a talentless – ex army officer
You throng in your thousands for a Take That ticket at Villa Park
Oblivious that your desire for nostalgia and fond reminiscence
Will be lost in poor sound at an extraordinary distance
You wont be able to see whether they are four or there are five
And the queues for the ladies will make you regret you’re alive
And they will sting you in the car parks, your friend you’ll never find her
Or you’ll get ripped off by a side street parking minder
And you always love the cute ones “who cares if he is gay”
You love him for his voice “no matter what” they say
When the slow ballads come on you sway wildly to the rhyme
Oblivious to the fact that you’re swaying out of time
Jon Bon Jovi is a difficult one I like his pompous rock
But when we see him in concert you have your eyes right on his – locks
At discos you circle the wagons for a dance to “I will survive”
A pretty pointless lyric unless he was armed with a knife
“walk out the door, just turn around now,
'cause you're not welcome anymore sounds pretty lame
Particularly as you’ll find the mortgage papers are in my name
And when Rhianna asks you how it really feels
You reflect “pretty painful, when you’re dancing in four inch heels
And where does the demographic come from for Abba’s “Dancing Queen”
As from what I’ve seen
The boppers haven’t seen seventeen,
for some time.
Simon Bates “our Tune” would have died a lonely and much welcome death
If it hadn’t been kept alive by heartbroken women
Whose minds became so addled with pain and sleight that they actually think they like The Chi Lites “hey there lonely Girl or Eric Clapton’s
”you look wonderful tonight”
And I don’t get why you don’t like men with electric guitars
All that fretting, strumming ,sliding and squealing
In other circumstances you seem to find that quite appealing
And for some reason you think that pretty girls are talentless bints
Whose short skirts are quite ridiculous cant they take a hint?
Cheryl is too thin, Florence too red and Britney plainly mad
But Amy Winehouse after five bottles and a line of coke doesn’t look too bad- Because in that state Even Blake Fielder wouldn’t do it for a bet
And so she doesn’t become a fantasy threat.
It’s the songs you see, you have to listen to the songs she says
Yet when I try and listen to Barry Manilow, I have to pick up my things and simply go
Yet sometimes it can be helpful
If a girl is into KD lang as you vainly try to cruise her
It’s gone, give her up, you’re on a sure fire loser
But maybe I’ll just have to concede that each sex has a distinctive tone
And that’s why we are best making music together not on our own

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